When creating an internet dating profile it’s all about putting your best cyber-foot forward. All your wit, charm and intelligence wrapped up in a few paragraphs. So why is it that people who can write such great dating profiles cannot seem to carry that same editing over to actual “live” dating?
I blame the hormones. Those wonderful and at the same time bothersome chemicals that make us nervous, happy and evidently render us incapable of deciding what makes for suitable dating talk.
When I say appropriate, I dont mean that in the sense of right and wrong. There is no right and wrong. Be yourself, be silly, feel out whats right in each individual situation. Youre dating savvy enough by now to know that all the best rules are the ones we figure out for ourselves.
Having said that, appropriate first date conversations are ones that, like your internet dating profile, showcase you at your best. Unfortunately I’ve heard so many first date conversation horror stories I’m practically an expert. Trust me, verbal landmines are everywhere, and they’ll put a big black mark on what was an otherwise favorable first impression.
Here are a few things to not talk about. Apologies if they seem obvious, but remember the hormones! Theyll make you forget what normally seems obvious. So maybe, just maybe, if I write it down then Ill remember what not to say when game time comes and maybe if you read it, youll remember too. Heres hoping.
Previous Relationships
Talk about exes tops the list. It’s not only the most common first date conversational mistake one can make, it’s also the most harmful. It’s a given that most people have a dating and relationship history, that’s not an issue. Each of us has to decide for ourselves when we’ve healed enough from that previous relationship to start dating again.
But it is never, ever a good plan to bring up your painful, troubled epic with a previous lover. First dates are all about optimism and hope and the na”ve belief that this one will be different. The fastest way to derail this sweet train is to start spouting off about how it went wrong before. We all know it can go wrong, yes. But a first date is no place to think about it.
Your family
Save the drama for a later (much later!) date. First dates are about fun and cheerful. By all means talk about where your parents live and how many brothers and sisters you have. Don’t even think about mentioning Mom’s ongoing depression and Dad’s drug dependency. There’s no need to lie; just keep it positive. Bring it up now and you’ll only scare your date away by making him or her afraid of your family, and potentially of you.
Getting Married and Having Children
In a word, don’t! Ever! Under no circumstances should you talk about your deadline for getting married, what kind of person you want to marry, and the fact that you have your wedding details all planned; all that’s missing is the partner.
Ditto talking about babies and that includes how many you want and how soon you want them. If this fledgling relationship is going to lead somewhere nice, there will be plenty of time to discuss this at a later date. The first date isn’t that time.
So those are the big three. Some experts advocate staying away from religion and politics; advice with which I disagree. Healthy adults should be able to have an intelligent and open conversation about both of these topics. If they’re too set in their ways or uptight about either, then ask yourself if you really want to date them.
