When you get married or enter into another type of serious relationship the decisions you make about yourself will not also affect another person. Being independent is great and standing your ground and not always giving into your partner is a sign of that independence. I’m all for self determination, but when your decisions affect someone else some compromise is called for.

Discussing these things with your partner before diving in (or cutting loose, or going crazy, or whatever it is you’re about to do) doesn’t make you weak and co-dependent; it makes you a smart, considerate person who is concerned about the health of their relationship, rather than being completely self-serving.

Here are a few things you should definitely consult your sweetie about before going forward with:

Babies

Granted, a woman’s body is her own, but there are two of you in this relationship, so the decisions you make about your body will affect your partner too. Starting or stopping birth control or choosing a permanent solution like having your tubes tied should all be discussed with your partner.

Throwing out leftovers

Some people seem to keep leftovers until they qualify for scientific experiments. But the minute you chucked it all in the garbage, that’s when they decide they want to finish it. It’s one of life’s mysteries! So play it safe and always ask before throwing out leftovers.

Key purchases

Even if your last name is Rockefeller or Hilton, running your plans for big ticket items like cars, houses and boats past your significant other is just good relationship strategy.

Adopting an animal or a child

Okay, that little puppy you saw at the pet store when you went to buy fish food is cute what with that heart breaking little face and all. I know how tempting that can be. And that last time you were shooting that movie and your partner was looking after the other kids and you saw that orphan that just melted your heart? Also tempting. But resist you must. Adding to your family should only be done with your partner’s okay.

A tattoo

With their name, anywhere on your body. This needs no further explanation, does it?

Erasing the Tivo

So you think he or she has watched the latest installment of Curb Your Enthusiasm? But you don’t know this for a fact? Don’t wipe out the Tivo because you’ll be on the fast track to WWIII before you can say Larry David.

This post was developed by the writers of the Datepad.com internet dating company where you can find thousands more helpful dating posts.

When we meet someone, we begin the mind-numbing game of trying to decipher every little word and move they make, every approach they take in all the games people play, trying to figure out if they like us or not.

What I can’t figure out is why we do this to ourselves. I’m no exception. As a relationship writer I’ve spent hours doing relationship self analysis. And I’ve concluded that fretting about a man’s emotions is just too much hard work. It needn’t be though.

Provided you’re not receiving totally mixed signals from him, you should just follow your instincts in determining whether or not he’s smitten with you. You can go analyze this to death of you want, but what it comes down to is what you feel deep down. Chances are your intuition about his feelings is probably spot on.

That being said there are still those of you who like nothing better than examining his every word. You actually like playing the “he loves me, he loves me not” game. To ensure you’re on the winning side, here’s a cheat sheet. If you’re still not sure, just ask him outright.

He’s told his friends about you

When you meet his friends for the first time, and you’re not a surprise to them, that’s a good thing. It means he’s talked about you with them. If he wasn’t really interested in you, he wouldn’t have bothered mentioning you.

He calls you just to talk

I could write a book about men who believe they shouldn’t call a woman the day after their date. It’s such an old and out dated notion.

You know just as well as I do that if he doesn’t call the next day, it does not mean that he is not interested in you. But, if his next call comes at 11:30 on Friday night, this guy is more ass than class. If that’s what you want, then go for it. But a booty call isn’t likely someone who will be interested in meeting your parents. Those calls aside, if he calls within a week of your date, he’s interested.

He actually listens to you

Men who are taken with someone typically want to be a little sweet and romantic. And what’s the best way to do something out of the way and special for his new lady? Knowing things about her. You have to know the facts before you can plan your romantic assault. At least, I hope most men are doing this, otherwise their attempts at romantic gestures will be generic and boring.

This post was written by the writers of the Datepad.com internet dating company where you can find thousands more helpful dating posts.

Men seem to get a bad rap in the dating world. They are sometimes called players, cheaters and big babies. Now, while there are a percentage of guys out there who are bad boys, there are also some good guys out there looking to meet a nice girl and settle down.

When it comes to internet dating, there are probably just as many guys as there are available women. Perhaps it’s time to give some of them a second look. And while we’re at it we should modify the views that society has inflicted on us.

Most people want the safety and security of a loving relationship. Statistics have shown that married people live longer than single people especially married people in a happy and loving courtship. Men reap the same benefits as women do when they find someone to share their lives.

Men are not normally as outspoken as women when it comes to falling in love, getting married and settling down. Nor do they mention their biological clock. That doesn’t mean that they’re not wondering if their special someone is even out there.

It may seem like men date around longer than women, but it’s all in the hopes of finding that one special woman. Like women, they want someone who’s sexy and lights their fire, they want a friend they can talk to and someone to hang out and have fun with. No wonder they date around; that kind of a combination takes some searching.

Most of the single guys I’m friends with know when they’ve met someone they want to marry, and also know the when. Having said that, most of them feel much more comfortable with a secure woman who isn’t hell-bent on racing down the aisle.

Having said that, a woman is not going to stick around without some concrete signs of a future commitment. Though a long lasting and loving relationship takes more than a few months to develop, no woman wants to waste years on someone who is reluctant to take the relationship to the next level.

As always, communication is key. The more you and your date talk, the more you’ll know. And the more you know the easier it will be to decide if this is the guy you want to settle down with.

Be as open minded as possible regardless of your past experiences; good men who want to settle down are out there. By keeping an open mind to finding him, chances are he’ll find you.

As much as I love first dates, I’m so over them. All that build up, all that pressure, the uncomfortable footwear; it’s all a big fuss over what is really just one night of your life. There are literally billions of articles written about first dates, and yet I don’t think it is the most important date.

Obviously the first date is something special. It’s the “first impression” phase of a potential new relationship. The third date, at least in my experience, is where we give our new sweetie a peek at our sexy unmentionables. Having said that, these days anything goes; from first date to wedding night. But all things considered, the third date appears to be “date rush” night.

The date that comes in between one and three (that would be number two!) really doesn’t get the attention it deserves. In my opinion, the second date is where you discover the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. First date jitters are a memory; you’re more relaxed and less nervous than the first time around. More importantly, even though there is a mutual attraction, the overwhelming thoughts of sex are usually on the back burner. The newness of it all though make this date exciting!

The second date hits the sweet spot. To make sure that you are making the most of this special and underrated event, here’s a handy checklist:

Put your listening ears on

First of all, relax and be prepared to listen. You obviously did well on the first date or you wouldn’t be here for a second date. So settles your nerves and put your brain back in gear. You need to focus less on making yourself look good and focus more on being genuinely interested in the other person. Listen, and take the information you’re given to heart. Allow it to make the person across from you become more complete.

Flirt it up

It’s actually important that you do (not to make flirting seem like a super serious matter or anything crazy like that); date number two is where too many people slip into the friend zone. If you appear to be sincerely interested in what your date is saying and laughing at their jokes and obviously enjoy their company but there are pretty much no sexual undertones to the evening, your date is going to think you just want to be friends.

And if that’s what you want than fine, but you probably don’t. Make your intentions clear by bringing on your “A” game.

Let go of your preconceptions

Boxes, as in preconceived notions; about this person, this “maybe” relationship and even yourself. You’ve only been out together once, so now is not the time to make assumptions. The fact is that you don’t know who this person is yet, nor do you know how they perceive you. It’s way too soon to put this relationship into a neatly labeled box.

Internet dating is convenient. You have the luxury of logging onto to your favorite internet dating site whenever you have time. You can weed through hundreds of potential matches in minutes. Dating sites built in organization allows you to keep up with people through various means of communication. It’s no wonder that internet dating is no longer a fad but a legitimate means of find a date!

Spare time is something that most of us have in limited quantity. A common reason for lack of spare time is the presence of children; biology’s little time consumers. Before you misunderstand, let me add that I do NOT have children. Therefore I don’t pretend to have the know-how to write advice of any kind about the perils of single parenting and dating.

I do, however, have single with baby friends and I myself have dipped into the single daddy dating pool once or twice. And from that, I have garnered a little experience about the ins and outs of dating someone with kids, which I now share with you.

Like kids

This should not even have to be mentioned, but unfortunately it does. If you do not enjoy being around kids and you do not want any of your own, think twice before dating someone packing reproductive baggage. There is always a possibility that you will grow attached to and even learn to like these particular children and there is nothing wrong with testing the waters. However, if you do not enjoy children, don’t get attached to your new found sweetie too quickly. His or her children aren’t going anywhere.

Be prepared to be second best at all times

New parents are often overheard saying that they thought they could never love someone more than their spouse; until they had a baby. That new bundle of joy just took over their heart. That’s just the way biology works. Dating someone who has strong emotional ties to someone else, in this case their child(ren), you need to be realistic and put your ego on the back burner. Their children come first, always.

Children have a Mom AND a Dad

Okay, so you’ve met an amazing man. Funny, smart, ambitious and good looking and you’re a smitten little kitten. You just love his adorable 5 year old and wonder of wonders, the little thing thinks you’re okay too. Enter the mom. No, not your sweetie’s mom; the baby mama.

It is rumored that separated parents can, and do, have a very respectful and amicable relationship. Let’s hope that’s the case here so you can breathe a tentative sigh of relief. If no one has ever told you before, be prepared for baggage no matter how well the parents get along. And for the sake of the child, hope and pray that the other parent will always be around for them.

Really, all of these points can be summed up by saying: be secure. That’s the bottom line. Between dealing with still-around exes, coming in second place in your significant others priority list, and dealing with the sometimes bumbling awkwardness of becoming acclimated to dealing with kids, an insecure person will see those insecurities magnified.

If you don’t confront and overcome those insecurities, the relationship won’t last. If you’re lucky, you will find yourself with someone who empathizes with your position, and can hold your hand through the tricky parts.

When creating an internet dating profile it’s all about putting your best cyber-foot forward. All your wit, charm and intelligence wrapped up in a few paragraphs. So why is it that people who can write such great dating profiles cannot seem to carry that same editing over to actual “live” dating?

I blame the hormones. Those wonderful and at the same time bothersome chemicals that make us nervous, happy and evidently render us incapable of deciding what makes for suitable dating talk.

When I say appropriate, I dont mean that in the sense of right and wrong. There is no right and wrong. Be yourself, be silly, feel out whats right in each individual situation. Youre dating savvy enough by now to know that all the best rules are the ones we figure out for ourselves.

Having said that, appropriate first date conversations are ones that, like your internet dating profile, showcase you at your best. Unfortunately I’ve heard so many first date conversation horror stories I’m practically an expert. Trust me, verbal landmines are everywhere, and they’ll put a big black mark on what was an otherwise favorable first impression.

Here are a few things to not talk about. Apologies if they seem obvious, but remember the hormones! Theyll make you forget what normally seems obvious. So maybe, just maybe, if I write it down then Ill remember what not to say when game time comes and maybe if you read it, youll remember too. Heres hoping.

Previous Relationships

Talk about exes tops the list. It’s not only the most common first date conversational mistake one can make, it’s also the most harmful. It’s a given that most people have a dating and relationship history, that’s not an issue. Each of us has to decide for ourselves when we’ve healed enough from that previous relationship to start dating again.

But it is never, ever a good plan to bring up your painful, troubled epic with a previous lover. First dates are all about optimism and hope and the na”ve belief that this one will be different. The fastest way to derail this sweet train is to start spouting off about how it went wrong before. We all know it can go wrong, yes. But a first date is no place to think about it.

Your family

Save the drama for a later (much later!) date. First dates are about fun and cheerful. By all means talk about where your parents live and how many brothers and sisters you have. Don’t even think about mentioning Mom’s ongoing depression and Dad’s drug dependency. There’s no need to lie; just keep it positive. Bring it up now and you’ll only scare your date away by making him or her afraid of your family, and potentially of you.

Getting Married and Having Children

In a word, don’t! Ever! Under no circumstances should you talk about your deadline for getting married, what kind of person you want to marry, and the fact that you have your wedding details all planned; all that’s missing is the partner.

Ditto talking about babies and that includes how many you want and how soon you want them. If this fledgling relationship is going to lead somewhere nice, there will be plenty of time to discuss this at a later date. The first date isn’t that time.

So those are the big three. Some experts advocate staying away from religion and politics; advice with which I disagree. Healthy adults should be able to have an intelligent and open conversation about both of these topics. If they’re too set in their ways or uptight about either, then ask yourself if you really want to date them.

You’ve taken the plunge and signed up for an internet dating site. You’ve spent considerable time creating an amusing profile complete with photos. You’ve done your best to showcase yourself in a positive light.

Now the fun begins; it’s time to start searching for the man or woman of your dreams. Using the site’s built in search, you select your dream date’s criteria, hit the search button and wait for the results. Seconds later, your matches are displayed.

Now before you get too comfortable reading them, here are some things you should watch out for when looking for your Prince or Princess Charming. Qualities that speak volumes about a person, in a less than flattering way!

Too much sarcasm. We’re all guilty of occasionally using sarcasm in the guise of a joke to poke a bit of fun at someone. Provided we do so discreetly, it’s usually harmless. But if the guy or gal you’re considering dating has nothing good to say about anyone in his or her life, what makes you think they’ll talk about you any differently?

Prior relationships. Most of us have a serious relationship (or two or three) in our past. If they ended badly, we likely learned something about ourselves in the process. But people who have only horror stories to share about their previous relationships may not have learned a thing about themselves or their past mistakes. Beware of perennial victims before you become one of the “bad guys”.

Anger that’s out of place. Sure, we all become incredibly angry at times. And if we handle it appropriately it’s usually not a big deal. But be careful of someone who appears to be angry at the world. They likely blame everyone but themselves for their problems and sooner rather than later, you are going to get blamed for something.

Too different. Even though opposites attract, the truth is that there are differences that may be too big to overcome. Things like religion, drugs and whether or not to have kids can all make or break a relationship. Go ahead and have some fun, but it will likely be for the short term rather than a lifetime.

Getting to know someone is one the reasons you date someone. It helps you figure out whether or not that person would make a good lifetime mate or not. If you run across someone with one or more of these red flags, take care in making a decision about dating this person in the future.